I’m starting a weekly e-mail in which I summarize all of the news, innuendo, and rumors on the internet and characterize the information as my own. It will include recruiting information that I have no personal knowledge of, inside info on the goings on in Knoxville of which I will pretend that I know, and vague, mostly obvious references to things that may or may not happen in the future. For example, I will go ahead and give you a taste by saying that a few players will be sore after workouts this summer, 0-20 players will leave or be kicked off the team for drugs, lack of commitment, lack of intelligence, low GPAs, Legionnaires disease, trench foot, or one of a million reasons that a new coach has to let go of a player, and we will have some silent commitments next fall (I am not prepared to say who they will be or where they will end up going to school). I will also deliver on a monthly basis a list of the top 20 recruiting classes for the last 10 years, as well as the average star rating of such classes, but please be forewarned that I will omit any explanation of why that seemingly random and redundant information has any relevance to anything.
However, please know that I once met Phil Fulmer. I ask that all recipients not forward the e-mails to anybody or attach my name to them in any way because there is a distinct possibility that I will look like a douche if these ridiculous and ultimately non-informative e-mails reach the non-VolQuest.com public. I will however, be completely unaware of such issues with my treasured e-mail because I provide a service to those Neanderthal Vol fans that do not have the access that I have. By access, I mean the internet and a checkbook. If I am wrong about any predictions, it is likely because my information was a complete guess that I fabricated or based on information from a guy I know who once had a friend who played at Carson Newman which is pretty close to Knoxville. That’s a source right? However, if I am correct, I ask that you all bow down before me and include my name in the title of any threads on VQ where you are seeking information. I am only 16 and I live in Alaska, but I really want to be a journalist and a talk show host so I would appreciate you guys tuning into my ham radio interview on channel 147 this week where I talk to a sixth grader from Waverly Junior High School who I met through his Facebook page. We are now friends and I know what college he will be attending. I cannot say anything else without jeopardizing what I hope is long relationship, especially since his fame and fortune might someday help me. I am also starting a website where I will deliver my useless regurgitation of another person’s hard work in a video format. I urge you to tune in for the fancy backdrops, cutting edge camera work, my rapid weight fluctuations, and my equally rapid changing hairstyles; I am, after all, only 16 years old. Nobody sticks with a single hairstyle until age 30. I love the Vols and even though anybody can pay the money and sit with the coaches during the recruiting luncheons, I choose to believe that I get to sit with the coaches in much the same way I believe strippers like me regardless of how much money I give them. I just haven’t found one that I can connect with yet because I keep going home alone in much the same way that Coach Dooley will not answer my calls. Who knows, maybe he has more to do than our previous coaches because I talked to those guys all night long – as far as you know. I will likely ban myself at some point from posting on Volquest.com as a show of my commitment, but I will never cease sending my e-mails because, at the end of the day, I am doing a public service for those Vol fans who simply do not have the access to the program that I have. By access, I mean the internet and a checkbook. Long live Volquest.com ? or more truthfully my e-mail list, video production, radio show, recruiting newsletter, and self respect.
- Tennessee Volunteers Football: 5 Biggest Recruiting Busts over Last 10 Years (bleacherreport.com)
- Dooley Speaks of Passion and Love (loserswithsocks.com)
- Recruiting: The Berry Twins (loserswithsocks.com)
- Dooley’s hot seat (loserswithsocks.com)