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Disliking Will Muschamp: A Guide to Quality Taste Style and Substance


(Note. This blog post was liberally lifted from EDSBS [DISLIKING DEREK DOOLEY: A PROPANGANDIST’S GUIDE – Every Day Should Be Saturday] with permission. Swindle told me that Muschamp has 3 nipples. )

In the past, one of the easiest things about Hate Week with Florida came in the form of their coaches, Steve Spurrier and Urban Meyer. Spurrier, a transitory player from Johnson City Tennessee, symbolized a Florida program that was in the eyes of its opponents: a weird program that was a transient odd mix of people — from bootleggers to Baptists. He was immature, childlike, and evil much like Florida’s brand of football. In public he gossiped like a girl — one of his most endearing qualities and he spewed witty acronyms like Free Shoe University (FSU) and poked fun at a hapless and defenseless Phil Fulmer at every opportunity (Can’t spell Citrus without UT).  Spurrier once told a recruit ” I ain’t never pulled over to the side of the road for a dadgum funeral”.

In short: The nickname of “The Old Ballsack Coach” fit him all too well, and it was all too easy to get a proper froth on when it came to Hate Week Haterage. This hate got even easier with the hire of Urban Meyer, a character so nasty and detestable that God wept at the mere mention of his name. Meyer got such little joy of coaching football that he resigned from Florida ….. twice. Football sucked the life out of Meyer. Rumor is that Meyer was so sad and despondent over having to coach at Florida (without Tim Tebow) that he no longer had the energy to hit off of the men’s tee anymore. Sad to see a successful coach wasting away…like a huge tapeworm sucking away his nutrients. When Meyer couldn’t drag his ass outta bed to go play golf, it was a sure sign that he needed to get the fuck out of the coaching.

Then came Will Muschamp, and here’s the most difficult challenge of all: disliking him. Muschamp should be repugnant but is boyishly cute in the way a Pug is cute. He is such a contradiction that I’m starting to get confused.  He is or he could be so many different things. He grew up in both Florida and Georgia; played safety at Georgia; coached at Auburn and LSU, and above all he is the coach at the University of Florida. Yet the complications keep coming. At Gator Club fund raisers, he is both honest and entertaining. Branded as a “traitor’ and “Benedict Arnold” by Georgia fans Muschamp responded with “I’m loyal to who signs my checks,” and  he grabbed his ample package and thrust his hips to and fro. When asked about Muschamp’s loyalty to the ‘G’ on helmet one Georgia fan had this to say about Muschamp: “He is such a dick. Can I say that? Anyhow… Is there a smart way I can let my pissy scorpioness come out and still get one up on him? He acts as if nothing bothers him… Will Muschamp is a dick”. Any guy that can infuriate a Dawg fan gets a thumbs up from me.

In games, Muschamp has had a reputation for firing up his players and bringing a lot of intensity to the sidelines.  He seems to be “throbbing” with enthusiasm. We will know a lot more as we get into the “meat” of the season. Take at look at the pictures below, for instance, the one below  we’ll call “Donkey Punch”.

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“Son of a bitch

“how long will it take to beat Georgia?”
“60 minutes”

ILVTOFU


Hey man, pull my finger… or my leg, whatever. Thanks

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About Capers Bar

I am retired Army officer. I used to fly helicopters and airplanes while I was in the Army. Nowadays, I do other things that are not so cool and sexy. I decided to write about my journey or whatever you want to call it towards running a half-marathon this fall. I have been running since 1983, I have run the Duke City full and half marathons. I don't run that fast anymore, I did win a 10K when I was 21, those days are mercifully past me. The fastest mile I have turned is a 5:05 during one of those Army physical fitness test 2 mile runs. The point I am making is that I am old, slow, and experienced runner. I named the blog after my running buddy, Bandit, an Australian Blue Heeler. He is my 3rd K-9 running buddy, the previous two dogs were black labs. I hope to write about some of my discussions that I have with Bandit in the future. I once owned, but since sold and a satirical and irreverent sports blog that was moderately successful. I was published in the left-wing national sports media by Sports Illustrated and ESPN. I am "stuck" in Alabama working for a military contractor. I am working so fricking hard to get back to Southeast New Mexico or West Texas. Fingers and toes crossed.

One comment on “Disliking Will Muschamp: A Guide to Quality Taste Style and Substance

  1. god, I love you guys. I’m glad this game is interesting once again.

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