POLL: Ranking the ESPN Analyst Homers

ESPN’s Blue Ribbon panel of College Football experts are like a fungus that is over-running everything and must be stopped.

Who is the biggest homer?

  • Lou Holtz – “Notre Dame will win 10 games this year” or ND has a chance to be great… cause “they are reloading not rebuilding.” and I believe that coach [Mark] Richt is an excellent football coach, but I also know that South Carolina plays Georgia very, very well,” Holtz said. “I just think with the losses Georgia’s had and the enthusiasm [South Carolina] has early in the year, yes, I do believe South Carolina will go in and beat Georgia. I’m also basing it on the history of those schools and how close they’ve played the last five years. I don’t think anyone would dispute that.” and  for the 2010 season Holtz picked South Carolina to win every game they have played. Holtz loves Notre Dame and South Carolina football. He treats those two schools as more important and earth-shattering than terrorist plots. Face made for radio, yet he is on ESPN at every turn. Consistently wrong about just about everything. The walking embodiment of everything wrong with sports journalism in particular and journalism in general.
  • Herban Meyer – “I’ll be rooting extremely hard for the Gators. I love Florida and I always will. It’s amazing to me that so many people don’t think they will win the East. I think they have a great shot at winning the East if the offensive line comes through.”
  • Jessie Palmer  –  After the ESPN All Access on Florida Football: “I appreciate what you guys do at ESPN for the Florida Gators” — Will Muschamp, 08/08/11.   Possibly the devil incarnate. A nastier human being has never been known in the college football world. He would film an all access piece trashing his own mother.
  • ESPN – runs those “Roll Tide” commercials on its station and gave its viewers “All Access” during spring football.
  • Kirk Herbstriet – Reputed Big 10 Homer and animated penis; he loves those Buckeyes. “I had lived a lifelong dream of playing at a school like Ohio State and to come out for Senior Day for the last time and to run on the field at the Horseshoe . . . I was a captain that year and they introduced me at the end, and to run on the field, I had tears streaming down my face. You remember the camaraderie and how special the relationships were that you built there over time, and the fact it was coming to an end after that game, that stands out to me.” any man who gets an orgasm over Big 10 football is suspect.
  • Beano Cook – His favorites?  Notre Dame and Penn State.  But when he had to choose between those two? On his Irish facing Penn State:  “See me on September 9th after Brady Quinn riddles them to death. There was a lot of talent lost from last year’s team. These players are not biology students in the defensive backfield.” or this beauty:  “Ron Pawlus will win 4 heismans”. I AM BEANO COOK!! LOOK AT HOW LOUD I AM TALKING!! THAT AUTOMATICALLY MEANS I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!! BOW DOWN TO MY &*$$-ING SUPERIOR KNOWLEDGE OF FOOTBALL!! BAH HAH HAH HAH!!”
  • Rece Davis – “Alabama is the better team, regardless of what happens Saturday”. How did the bland, talentless stat boy ever become the host of a show? ESPN must just hire guys who’ll never have any reason to ask for a raise.

About Capers Bar

I am retired Army officer. I used to fly helicopters and airplanes while I was in the Army. Nowadays, I do other things that are not so cool and sexy. I decided to write about my journey or whatever you want to call it towards running a half-marathon this fall. I have been running since 1983, I have run the Duke City full and half marathons. I don't run that fast anymore, I did win a 10K when I was 21, those days are mercifully past me. The fastest mile I have turned is a 5:05 during one of those Army physical fitness test 2 mile runs. The point I am making is that I am old, slow, and experienced runner. I named the blog after my running buddy, Bandit, an Australian Blue Heeler. He is my 3rd K-9 running buddy, the previous two dogs were black labs. I hope to write about some of my discussions that I have with Bandit in the future. I once owned, but since sold and a satirical and irreverent sports blog that was moderately successful. I was published in the left-wing national sports media by Sports Illustrated and ESPN. I am "stuck" in Alabama working for a military contractor. I am working so fricking hard to get back to Southeast New Mexico or West Texas. Fingers and toes crossed.

2 comments on “POLL: Ranking the ESPN Analyst Homers

  1. As big a collection of douche bags in one place as I have ever seen…

  2. jealous much?

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