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Vanderbilt Recruiting Manifesto


Derek Dooley

Image by Tennessee Journalist via Flickr

Brother and sisters of the Vol Nation,

I dream of a day where the average Vol fan realizes that schools like Vandy can and will recruit 3-star players and they will consider those players to be a good “catch”, and that Vandy jealousy of the Tennessee Vols leads to nothing but self loathing and disappointment. I understand the concerns of schools and fans like Vandy, and they are well founded. Tennessee routinely steals away recruits and it is well known that Coach Dooley’s recruiting abilities are unmatched. I know that other schools worry that if Tennessee is allowed to retake the national spotlight that no young man will be safe from the grip of Dooley and the Big Orange. Rest assured that 5-star blue chip High School recruits are all bound for Knoxville, be it a linebacker in California  or a 160 pound 3-star running back from a inconsequential high  school in Memphis Tennessee, no one is safe from the reach of Coach Dooley. Dooley’s melodic description of Neyland Stadium routinely draws players to Tennessee like sailors to the Siren’s song.

Whether Tennessee is ranked first in the polls or last makes no difference. No young man can resist the sheen of Dooley’s perfectly gelled coif. I know that if Coach Dooley wants a recruit, Vanderbilt can’t stand in his way. Do any of you really believe that Dooley wanted a player like Brian Kimbrow? After viewing his announcement ceremony I am only further convinced that Dooley never offered him and that Kimbrow will never wear the “comedore” black and gold”.

The Vandy academic standards will be the roadblock that will prevent Kimbrow from becoming a future captain of industry. The prudent man must ask ‘Why is Vandy recruiting dullards that can’t gain admission?’ Vandy football is so Heath Robinson, it is very complicated in a way that is funny, but not practical or effective.

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How long must we suffer the injustices of the Rivals, 24/7, Scout and other recruiting rankings before we are given the credit and respect that we deserve. Vandy football is only storm in a teacup. With each blow against us, however, we have become stronger, forging a football tradition unlike any other. I say that the time has come to rally the troops and show our enemies that resisting Dooley is futile. Dooley will assimilate the ignorant, into a world where Tennessee football again reigns supreme. Dooley will lead us home to the promised land.

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About Capers Bar

I am retired Army officer. I used to fly helicopters and airplanes while I was in the Army. Nowadays, I do other things that are not so cool and sexy. I decided to write about my journey or whatever you want to call it towards running a half-marathon this fall. I have been running since 1983, I have run the Duke City full and half marathons. I don't run that fast anymore, I did win a 10K when I was 21, those days are mercifully past me. The fastest mile I have turned is a 5:05 during one of those Army physical fitness test 2 mile runs. The point I am making is that I am old, slow, and experienced runner. I named the blog after my running buddy, Bandit, an Australian Blue Heeler. He is my 3rd K-9 running buddy, the previous two dogs were black labs. I hope to write about some of my discussions that I have with Bandit in the future. I once owned, but since sold and a satirical and irreverent sports blog that was moderately successful. I was published in the left-wing national sports media by Sports Illustrated and ESPN. I am "stuck" in Alabama working for a military contractor. I am working so fricking hard to get back to Southeast New Mexico or West Texas. Fingers and toes crossed.

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