To the Ole Miss fan who was talking shit to me while I was trying to get a motherfucking chicken-on-a-stick and a Crispito for the first time in 2 years after Auburn tapped that Black Bear ass by 20 pts. Fuck you. You ruined my Chicken-on-a-stick and Crispito experience. They don’t have chicken-on-a-stick and crispitos in Iraq you motherfucker. Fuck you.
You’re the Chicago Cubs of the SEC. You should be happy that Ole Miss was able to hang within 3 TD of your ass. You’ve lost to motherfucking Vandy this year. Fuck off.
To Mark Richt and the rest of thUGA, fuck you. Don’t get mad because Nick Fairley was taking your O-Line’s lunch money then fucking their girlfriends. You don’t have to cheap-shot their asses. Nice failed attempts at a Chop Block, bitches. You missed harder than Jeff Francoeur swinging at a high and outside fastball.
To the motherfucker thought it was a good idea to make minor injuries look major on the field to slow down the Auburn offense, fuck you too. I bet it was you, Mark Richt, you Helen Hunt looking mother fucker. I used to look at Auburn/Georgia as a friendly rivalry. No mas, you dirty motherfuckers.
To ESPN, fuck you. Who at ESPN decided they are the de facto governing body of all things sports? “So and so told ESPN radio this, but then he told ESPN.com this, which conflicts with what he told ESPNews, and that is going to be backed-up by what some jerk-off is going to tell ESPN The Magazine.” Fuck you. Yes, Yahoo! Sports beat you to the punch over and over again with the Reggie Bush story, get the fuck over it. You aren’t motherfucking Woodward and Bernstein you talking fucking heads. Fuck you.
To Mississippi State, fuck you. You couldn’t pay me $180,000 to go to MSU either, fuckers.
To Cam Newton’s dad for shopping his son around, a hefty fuck you. You’re no better than any other father who is trying to bennifet and live vicariously through the accomplishments of your son.
To the Alabama fan who thought it was a good idea to passive-aggressively talk shit to me about Cam Newton while in the No Fire Zone of Mount Vernon, fuck you. If all the historical objects weren’t around I would have sent your ass back to Vestavia Hills or Mountain Brook with a black-eye and busted lip for the shit you said. Which vehicle is Julio Jones driving this week? His Escalade or his Dodge Charger? Fuck you and I hope Cam Newton runs for 5 TDs, passes for 4, and catches another on you Bear worshiping mother-fuckers.
To whoever, if anyone, paid Cam Newton’s dad’s asking price, fuck you. $100,000 – $200,000 for a fucking child to attend a school and play a game, fuck you. If you exist, I hope you and Bobby Lowder both go on a fishing trip in the Bermuda Triangle.
To Reggie Bush and USC, fuck you. The shadow you have casted on college football has encouraged this behavior from parents.
To anyone the “agents,” “advisors,” and “managers” of college athletes, fuck you and I hope you die in a house fire for the actions you commit.