Surviving a Vicious Internet Ass-Kicking

In preparation for the pending college football season (100 days away), here is some sage and timely advice on surviving a college football message board ass whipping or “e-combat”.

You got your ass viciously beaten by some trolling thug on the Internet.

The most important thing to remember is this: it’s not your fault. No one deserves to get an Internet ass-beating, no matter how stupid their argument was.

[Ass kicking]

Here is how we survive brutal e-bitch slaps on college football message boards:

  1. Identify who the “cool” posters are.
  2. Identify the people they hate
  3. Identify the one person whose actions are more blatantly stupid and more unforgivable than anyone else, according to the posters in step #1.
  4. Make the same joke everyone’s been making for nearly ten years.
  5. Grow some balls or buy them on eBay.
  6. You are now cool.

About Capers Bar

I am retired Army officer. I used to fly helicopters and airplanes while I was in the Army. Nowadays, I do other things that are not so cool and sexy. I decided to write about my journey or whatever you want to call it towards running a half-marathon this fall. I have been running since 1983, I have run the Duke City full and half marathons. I don't run that fast anymore, I did win a 10K when I was 21, those days are mercifully past me. The fastest mile I have turned is a 5:05 during one of those Army physical fitness test 2 mile runs. The point I am making is that I am old, slow, and experienced runner. I named the blog after my running buddy, Bandit, an Australian Blue Heeler. He is my 3rd K-9 running buddy, the previous two dogs were black labs. I hope to write about some of my discussions that I have with Bandit in the future. I once owned, but since sold and a satirical and irreverent sports blog that was moderately successful. I was published in the left-wing national sports media by Sports Illustrated and ESPN. I am "stuck" in Alabama working for a military contractor. I am working so fricking hard to get back to Southeast New Mexico or West Texas. Fingers and toes crossed.

3 comments on “Surviving a Vicious Internet Ass-Kicking

  1. The board monitor at Vol Chat needs to read those tips. Hes never quite gotten a hold of things and continues to get his ass handed to him in his hat on a daily basis.

    Its gotten so bad, I’ve called Jerry Lewis and asked if he would make him one of Jerry’s Kids.

  2. Obviously Rocco is one of the ‘cool’ posters

  3. He didn’t buy his balls on eBay

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