After reading about 92,000 attendees at the Alabama Spring scrimmage, I decided to offer the good people of that state some ideas for spending their time in a more productive manner.
1) Develop a new use for the grit.
2) Build a wall on the Mississippi border.
3) Demolish wall Georgia built to keep you out.
4) Try to bring the Bear back to life. Cloning is a very real possibility. Fulmer would own him.
5) Find a replacement slogan for “The Tide Don’t Lose in Baton Rouge” since the phrase is obviously outdated.
6) Work with legislators to craft stiffer laws to deal with drunken women on horseback.
7) Turn your attention to the real enemy, Tommy Tubberville. How can you hope to bring Fulmer down when you aren’t even the best program in your own state?
8) Erect a “My Cousin Vinny” statue outside of the state capital to replace the Ten Commandments.
9) Feel good about bypassing on Sylvester Croom. He sucks and it is the one good thing you have done over the past decade. You should have a special day to commemorate.
10) Build a monument to the unknown hero who pushed Logan Young.