The SEC Network: It’s FANNNNN-TASTIC! June 4, 2007
Posted by Extra P. in JoePa, SEC Football.trackback
By now you may have heard about the ongoing talks to bring the SEC network to cable television in the near future (hat tip to DaWiz). Loser With Socks has spoken with programming executives who are busy whipping up programming for the embryo of a network. We are proud to give you this sneak peek at the shows that are currently in development:
SEC Gladiators: The SECN brings back an American classic, with a twist. Southern partisans will compete against former SEC Mr. Irrelevants in events tailored to their unique skills. Scheduled events include Urine Toss, Mullet Whip, and Hookslide.
Jort/Counterjort: Discussion-board savants argue the most important issues of the modern world. The first episode is tentatively titled “Nick Saban - Flaming Douchebag or Second Coming?”. The panel will include LSU and ‘Bama fans.
Stump the Stump: Contestants will ask questions of Georgia-born running back and current Seahawks coach Stump Mitchell. The catch? Mitchell played at The Citadel, so he, like the rest of us, could give a shit less who was Auburn’s 1979 leader in total yards from scrimmage. Should be hours of fun suck.
Golf: Vital summer programming. In between showings of spring practice games, viewers can watch South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier whack the ol’ ball around as he tours SEC country, spouting his trademark pithy and incomprehensible patter. During rain delays, spectators will be treated to footage of Spurrier blinking, saying “whut?”, and asking if any Florida players are left on the board, pre-recorded during his war-room days with the Washington Redskins.
SEC After Hours: Hidden cameras at recruiting functions. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
Your Name is Earl: Well, it is, isn’t it?
Programming note - Tennessee football games will not be televised in HD due to doctors’ warnings about severe rectal retinal burn.
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Brilliant. But what else is new?
Good shit
What you should have said about Stump the Stump was, “Should be hours of suck”.
And we want to know Spurrier’s favorite tree to pee on is.
Steve likes to pee on the Ginko tree.
vote for our ass
http://loserwithsocks.wordpress.com/2007/06/05/vote-for-our-ass/
[...] The SEC Network: It’s FANNNNN-TASTIC! By now you may have heard about the ongoing talks to bring the SEC network to cable television in the near future (hat […] [...]
You forgot their one program in primetime: “Are you Smarter than a Third Grader?”, where SEC recruits try to match their knowledge against some of the smartest third graders in the South.
Oh, that’s a good one.
I see there were a couple of other shows on the SEC network not mentioned.
Cooking with Coach Fulmer-
He’s always baking either cookies, cakes, or brownines. Which is fine, but he’s usually eaten all of the batter before the oven has preheated. The best part is when he has a guest host and tempts them with the batter and drops the “Rocky Top!!” sych line. It goes like this,
Coach Fulmer- “Hey, Coach Richt, would you like to try the chocolate chip cookie dough before we bake the cookies?”
- Coach Fulmer gestures Coach Richt toward the bowl.
Coach Richt- “Sure, Phil, I’d love some.”
Coach Fulmer- “Here just try some of…… ROCKY TOP!!!”
Live audience sings “rocky top” as Coach Fulmer eats all of the cookie dough.
Coach Fulmer- “That’s all the time we have today. We’ll see you at lunch time!!”
Delusion-
The other show not mentioned is an ACC/SEC joint production called “Delusion” which tackles the issues of Clemson and South Carolina fans. Both fan bases hate each other, but they share a common bond that each of their respective teams will win the national title the upcoming season. The hiliarity ensues when they start calling the other fan base a bunch of rednecks and/or taters. It’s must see TV.
Golfing with Steve-
This show is boring as hell. You’d think you’d get a bunch of good sound bites with a Steve Spurrier show, but he never acknowledges that a camera is even there. All he does is play golf and that’s it. It’s very obvious Coach doesn’t want the show at all, but it’s part of the free Augusta National membership deal. Put it this way, the highlight of the season was when he pee’d into the woods.
Let’s face facts, if my mascotless team played in the Big East, we would be playing in a BCS Bowl every year