A Day in the Life of Lendale White March 30, 2007
Posted by bigpapi in Cuisine, Fast Food (TJ), NFL, NFL Coach, Southern Cal, cooking and food.trackback
9:00- Wake up and groggily roll out of bed. Notices the pillow looks eerily like a marshmallow…takes a gigantic bite. Pillow doesn’t taste like a marshmallow.
9:01- Finishes off the rest of the pillow and takes a wicked piss that splashes all over the seat and floor since he can’t see his cock because of his gut.
9:03- Checks out his physique in the mirror…flexes and screams “Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!!!”
9:05- Hawks down half a dozen donuts in the shower while bumping some Rich Boy.
9:07- Screams “Throw some D’s on that bitch!!”
9:15- Has full breakfast of 24 pancakes, 6 scrambled eggs, and 1 pound of bacon.
9:24- Takes a massive 2 alarm shit
9:32- Finds a candy bar wrapper in the trash can…licks off remaining chocolate
9:38- Falls asleep on the toilet
10:01- Attempts to go to the gym but fails to get in the car because the ice cream man drives by.
10:05- Calls running back coach and tells him how hard he works out…quietly slurps down two double scoop chocolate chunks.
10:28- Hops in Uses ladder to climb in Expedition and floors it onto I-65 cutting off 3 people (gives them all the finger) blaring “I Was Raised in the Projects” by Project Pat
10:37- Stops at McDonald’s for a snack. Cusses out the Drive-Thru attendant because they are no longer serving breakfast. Orders 4 Double-Quarter Pounders and a Diet Coke
10:44- Pulls in front of Davidson County Corrections and heads inside to bail out Pac-Man.
11:02- Arrives at Titans’ Practice Facility. Has parking attendant pull his Rascal out of the back of the Expedition
11:13- Waddles into the locker room. Yanks the hell out of Reynaldo Hill’s dreadlocks and shoves him into a locker.
11:24- His daily order of two porterhouse steaks from Demos’ arrives. Challenges Kevin Mawae to a eating contest.
11:32- Finishes off the steaks and takes a shit in Reynaldo Hill’s helmet.
11:37- Tells Ben Troupe that if Lendale started all 16 games last season his numbers would have been 2600 yards rushing, 32 TDs, 2 catches, 23 heart attacks.
11:44- Threatens to sit on Jeff Fisher’s face if he doesn’t get 30 touches a game.
12:06- Waddles out to practice and refuses to stretch…stretching if for pussies.
12:17- Helps pull the bullet out of Cortland Finnegan’s leg after Pac-man shoots him for stepping on his cleat.
12:26- Gets his first carry of practice for a 3 yard gain. Screams at Ahmad Hall “Lendale woulda been ::weez:: fucking gone if you could ::weez:: fucking block!!!” Heads over to the sideline for some oxygen.
12:35- Starts to yell “I’da been gone” at Vince after he scrambles for 34 yards but Lendale stops himself. No one fucks with Vince.
1:01- Leaves practice after his 3rd heart attack. Practice is for pussies anyway.
1:03- Waddles back into locker room. Grabs a couple of Snickers from the back of his locker.
1:07- Takes a piss in Reynaldo Hill’s locker.
1:15- Sees David Givens in the training room rehabing his knee. Calls Givens a fag and tells him rehab is for pussies.
1:37- Drives his Rascal back out to his Expedition and heads back to the crib. Stops a Whitt’s on the way back and picks up a slab of ribs with extra slaw.
1:55- Arrives home sucking down the remaining bbq and slaw. Tries unsuccessfully to eat a bone. Rips a hair curling fart
2:26- Pulls some leftover pizza and a coke out of the fridge and shovels it down. Lays down on the couch naked just in time for NFL Live.
3:32- Falls asleep during Rome is Burning. Dreams of swimming in an ocean of BBQ sauce.
4:44- Wakes up to take a shit. Falls asleep on the toilet
5:07- Eats a bag of Doritos. Calls Reggie Bush and cusses him out for blowing the National Title in the Rose Bowl.
5:36- Eats half a dozen cupcakes. Calls Matt Leinart and tells him he throws like a pussy fairy-boy.
5:58- Walks outside naked and climbs over crashes through his neighbors fence and jumps in their pool.
6:06- Stands on the edge and pisses in the water. Asks his neighbor’s wife if she wants some of his “anaconda”.
6:23- Waddles back home. Calls Pac-Man to see what the plans for the night are. Passes on the liquor store robbery.
6:40- Hops on the treadmill for his evening workout. Runs 2 minutes at 5 miles an hour.
6:43- Calls running back coach and brags on his killer evening workout.
6:54- Takes a shower. Has a member of his posse hold up his gut so he can scrub his balls.
7:34- Heads over to the Chinese Kitchen for the all-you-can-eat buffet.
8:12- Downs his 6th plate of General Tso’s chicken and sweet and sour pork. When a child walks up and asks for his autograph, Lendale pours sweet and sour sauce on the kid and eats half his arm.
8:41- Heads out to the parking lot. Hears gunshots and police sirens. Looks around for Pac-man.
8:53- Pulls on I-65 and heads to his bitches house. Cuts of 4 old women. Gives them all the finger.
9:02- Gets hungry on the way. Stops at Wendy’s. Orders 7 bacon cheeseburgers and a medium fry.
9:27- Arrives at his bitches house. Has a member of his posse hold up his gut and feed him Fruit Loops while she blows him.
9:34- Gets a call from Brandon Jones about a party. Tells his bitch to finish up cause he’s got places to go.
9:44- Gets in the Expedition to head over to the party. Stops at Taco Bell for 16 steak soft tacos.
10:20- Arrives at the party. Throws Reynaldo Hill on the ground and pisses on his face. Heads over to the free food.
12:25- Pac-man walks in and shoots someone for bumping into him. The party pretty much ends after that.
12:53- Heads home. Stops at KFC for a midnight snack.
1:12- Wakes up the entire neighborhood with his car stereo and whistle tips. Hangs out the window screaming “Woo WOOOOOOOO!!!”
1:14- Takes a shit on the neighbor’s lawn and walks into the house.
1:23- Strips naked and flexes in front of the mirror screaming “Beefcake. BEEFCAKE!!!”
1:34- Picks up the bucket of chicken, settles on the couch, and orders some porn.
1:51- Lendale passes out.
,
That … was … awesome.
This is retarded…
That’s funny, but I don’t remember Lendale being that much of an asshole in college.
Money changes everyone, Rash.
And Santa is the only jolly fat guy I’ve ever heard of.
Good Stuff. LOL
This is toooooooo funny! Probably tooooo true too!
[...] A Day in the Life of Lendale White 9:00- Wake up and groggily roll out of bed. Notices the pillow looks eerily like a marshmallow…takes a gigantic bite. […] [...]
interesting… I pray for Lendale
[...] March 31, 2007 Posted by gurusteve in Sports, Uncategorized. trackback Denver’s own Lendale White making a name for himself in Tennessee. [...]
Absolutely hilarious! Those of us who know Lendale from his high school days in Denver are nodding at this.
OMG!!!! FUNNIEST THING EVER
I’m trying to laugh but it just seems waaay overdone.
dreadlocks
dreadlocks
stop hating on lendale he did a hell of a really good when you look at his stats and reggie bush in college and he had way less carries I think he is going to be good in the nfl and im sure he isnt that hungry ……stop the hate please !
CMoney I don’t have any hate left to stop.
Lendale ate it all.
I think it’s a damn shame how whoever are can be such a prick!!! Sorry you weren’t so fortunate to have made it into the Pro’s, even if it was #45. It is no doubt that Lendale started his career on a sour note, but it remains to be seen how it will end up. However, I’m sure it will be better than yours’ I believe your statements are far from facts so therefore, we’ll just pray for your ignorant ass.
I’m predicting his career ends up in a buffet line.
And all statements I made are true. I rode shotgun with Lendale throughout the day…I even have the bite marks on my arm from where he got hungry in between snacks.
Am I the only one who noticed that those supporting Lendale on this thread have some SERIOUS ISSUES with grammar, spelling and punctuation?
I would explain the concept of satire, but they probably still wouldn’t get it.
I believe Chris Rock said it best: “Keepin’ it REAL! Yeah… real DUMB!”
[...] of Lendale in this thread anymore. He’s a disgrace to the Titans. This is tooooooooo funny. A Day in the Life of Lendale White Loser with Socks BTW, I think Lendale will prove everyone wrong this [...]
man dis my cuzzo and if yall wanna talk about him…tell him dat in his face man….fuck you…who ever made dis…fuck you
love it, watchin denver titan game right now, pregame lendale’ stomache does not fit in his shirt. looks like a lineman, how does he stay in the NFL? terrible