26 Comments

Randy Sanders Says “You Better Grease Up Those Goalposts Phil”; Fulmer Surrenders


Tennessee Head Football Coach Phil Fulmer, in a move echoing the famous Leonard-Duran “No Mas” boxing match of 1980, held a press conference yesterday at the Tennessee Athletic Department to announce that Vols were throwing in the towel against former longtime Tennessee Offensive Coordinator Randy Sanders and his Kentucky Wildcats this Saturday. Although this news shocked the College Football world, Tennessee is virtually assured a bowl berth and the raucous Tennessee fanbase will just have to learn to accept these Nelvin Chamberlin-esque conditions. Chamberlin’s appeasement policy of World War II’s Germany with “Peace in our time” will equate to the Vols annual invitation to the Peach Bowl. Volunteer fans acceptance of this stategy is crucial to Fulmer’s survival in Knoxville.

Tennessee’s surrender was based heavily on recent developments with Coach Sanders making both public and private statements of bitch-slapping his former team. Sanders had been reported as saying that the Vols “better grease those goal posts, or we are going to tear those bitches down”. Sanders added, ” I have coached the number one rated quarterback in the SEC, I am going to serve Ol’ Phil a piping hot cup of STFU for making me the fall guy for last year’s debacle. It is like I have been sent to the SEC’s version of football detention hall…Kentucky. Somebody’s ass is paying for that.”

Fulmer stated, “It is obvious that Kentucky will come prepared to play this year. We may have taken for granted the fact that they have been pretty weak in previous years. Therefore, I call out to Kentucky and Randy Sanders: You win. We give up!”

The Power T flag flying high over Neyland Stadium was lowered and a white flag of surrender raised. “We’re throwing in the towel this year,” Fulmer said as he tossed a blood-stained towel over the podium.

The move received approval from some of the thousands of Volunteer Fans who recalled last season’s humiliating defeat at the hands of Vanderbilt at Neyland Stadium. But not everyone is happy over the move. Mike Rotch of Alcoa Tennessee had this to say: “We’ve come so far this year; we can’t just give it up and let the Kentucky win. What message are we sending to our children? To the rest of the nation? That our state is full of quitters? No siree! We need to fight this battle ’til the end! I wasn’t too upset until we lost to those Vanderbilt nerds at home last year,” recalled Rotch of the losing season. “That one really stuck with me. We shouldn’t be losing to those bookworms. Not even during a war when our guys are fighting overseas and their guys are hiding behind the books in the library.”

Rotch isn’t the only one questioning the move. ESPN conspiracy theorist Brent Tosh spoke out shortly after the announcement. “This is obviously a political move by Phillip Fulmer to quell the conspiracy that ESPN hates Tennessee Football. But really all I know is that Fulmer said he was going to get rid of losing last season (Randy Sanders ‘resigns’) and he hires someone who was fired from his last job (OC David Cutcliffe) for not winning enough. Frankly Fulmer can’t afford to lose to a guy that he forced out of Tennessee, so it is easier to quit”.

26 comments on “Randy Sanders Says “You Better Grease Up Those Goalposts Phil”; Fulmer Surrenders

  1. Randy, Your comments were edited to correctly reflect the babbling douche that you really are.

  2. yeah, babbling douche that you get shitted on in moronville. it is your site and i respect that. but atlanta vol is your enemy, not me. my words were true, not babbling. their’s are well. link your site and then thrash you for a post.

    nice effort. again it is your site and you are damn well to do what you please. i respect that 100%. good luck.

  3. Oh well randy, I really don’t give a shit either way. We are doing just fine with or without douches like him. Now I remember why Brent Hubbs shitcanned his ass. http://valiantunderdog.wordpress.com/2006/11/16/edsbs-link-bumps-losers-with-socks-to-top-wordpress-post-of-the-day/

  4. yep, nor should you give a shit. all i am saying is that I was using your forum of replies to further an agenda to get a word out to fostermom. “busted”. but obviously i can not do that anymore, not with you changing it up, sorry for the hijack, desperate sitchi over here. good luck.

  5. You outermonvolia boys, pass along to your boy AtlantaVol a hearty fuck you from us. Invite us to participate in your site and treat us like that? Don’t want or need it.

  6. Repost it and I will delete the first one. Starting to act like a Volquest Moderator

  7. Thanks LWS,

    For all the moronville readers over here be sure to tell fostermom that her boy will start producing on the field when she stops hanging out with people who intentionally are trying to bust the mighty Volunteer Program. (laughably unsuccessful of course)

    Fostermom’s family will be great for generations to come because of the Vol University and she feels it necessary to go to one site and talk about how hopeful and excited she is, then she goes to another site and talks about how she is on the fence about our coaching staff all the way to the top.

    Mrs Sanders told me to tell her, “she needs to realize where her bread is buttered and ignore the lunacy of 10 posters whom half are not even real Vol fans (literal rival fans). It is a slap in the face to the University. She should know better.”

    I got arrested plenty of times and no one ever called the newspapers on me or booked me. Starting to see a pattern? Please consider that you are who you hang with. And well, if you can not see that the blatent repugnant shit spouted by the gays on moronville has no place in the great Tennessee program, then maybe they will just bench the best player on the team out of sheer principal.

    I sure hope it doesn’t come to that.

  8. AtlantaVol, picked up again for the 4 or 5th time by the #3 Sports site on the internet. Tongue my balls

    http://www.deadspin.com/sports/blogdome/blogdome-football-on-the-55yard-line-215996.php

  9. Anyone know to doscreen captures with XBox 360?

  10. Randy Sanders will have Arian Foster benched because his mom posts on a non-sheep site.

    Now that is power. Hell, Randy already had him arrested and arranged full media exposure. Shit fire. Power.

  11. Wow, that is hospitality. Invite us to outermonvolia, link us and then AtlantaVol, who has lifetime ban on Gridscape and Vollquest, goes postal.

    Nice job guys

  12. Mrs. Foster is having difficulty coming to terms with the realization that there are other talented players at runningback, who showed more talent and determination to abide by the team rules. Placing any kind of blame for the splintering effect her son’s behavior had on the team on internet posters is mind boggling. She needs to put some tough skin on her feet before she decides to jump into the fire.

    Who crawled up Kirkland’s/AV’s ass, cut his balls off and gave him his first period? Not a nice way to treat one’s guest on a board that prides itself on welcoming new posters and all views.

  13. AV is a cock, pure and simple. He is unacceptable at any level of social interaction

  14. All,
    Excellent points on the deplorable behavior by AtlantaVol. He is famous on message boards for bad behavior and being banned.

    I can’t speak for the other LWS Team, but I will not post on that Board again, If I wish to interact with internet jock sniffing psychos, I will visit Volquest.

    I think it is sad that those guys claim to be above the fray, but they are just as bad as the other boards.

  15. I would not call them internet jock sniffers. No, they do more Bernadette Foster panty sniffing. Funny they are doing what they criticized Gridcape for doing with Kevin Simon’s dad.

  16. [...] • Live blogging the Grey Cup title game. [Out Of Left Field] • NFLers should be HAPPY! [rangelife] • In case you missed the real most exciting game of the weekend. [WBRS Sports Blog] • A look at baseball, Central America style. [The Middle Foam Finger] • Here comes Beckham! [Life On A Bench] • Your comprehensive weekend wrapup. [Rumors And Rants] • Another rough fantasy week for Mr. King. [Bored At Life] • Will Carroll discusses the gyroball. [Siberian Baseball] • Look who’s back in Knoxville. [Loser With Socks] • A week full of fantasy football carnage. [Kissing Suzy Kolber] [...]

  17. Internet jocks I Say!

  18. [...] • Live blogging the Grey Cup title game. [Out Of Left Field] • NFLers should be HAPPY! [rangelife] • In case you missed the real most exciting game of the weekend. [WBRS Sports Blog] • A look at baseball, Central America style. [The Middle Foam Finger] • Here comes Beckham! [Life On A Bench] • Your comprehensive weekend wrapup. [Rumors And Rants] • Another rough fantasy week for Mr. King. [Bored At Life] • Will Carroll discusses the gyroball. [Siberian Baseball] • Look who’s back in Knoxville. [Loser With Socks] • A week full of fantasy football carnage. [Kissing Suzy Kolber] [...]

  19. [...] Fulmer, remaining quiet amid speculation of former offensive coordinator and now current Kentucky Quarterback coach Randy Sanders brazen promise to “tear down the the goal posts and plant a flag” at Neyland Stadium, Fulmer drew intense scrutiny from the liberal left wing Knoxville media. But in private conservations with Tennessee Defensive Coordinator John Chavis, Fulmer’s calculating continued. “If Sanders is going to embarrass me, I’m going to embarrass Sanders and his quarterback. What would happen if I let them drive up and down the field and force them to try field goals?” Fulmer asked his longtime assistant. Chavis’s reply showed the rewards of all of those years laboring in the shadow of the great man. “Considering their kicker,” he said, ” I imagine that would cause errors.” Fulmer nodded, “Precisely!” The Kentucky kicker missed field goals and an extra point as result of the Fulmer’s “Bend but don’t Break” Plan. [...]

  20. [...] • Live blogging the Grey Cup title game. [Out Of Left Field] • NFLers should be HAPPY! [rangelife] • In case you missed the real most exciting game of the weekend. [WBRS Sports Blog] • A look at baseball, Central America style. [The Middle Foam Finger] • Here comes Beckham! [Life On A Bench] • Your comprehensive weekend wrapup. [Rumors And Rants] • Another rough fantasy week for Mr. King. [Bored At Life] • Will Carroll discusses the gyroball. [Siberian Baseball] • Look who’s back in Knoxville. [Loser With Socks] • A week full of fantasy football carnage. [Kissing Suzy Kolber] [...]

  21. [...] • Live blogging the Grey Cup title game. [Out Of Left Field] • NFLers should be HAPPY! [rangelife] • In case you missed the real most exciting game of the weekend. [WBRS Sports Blog] • A look at baseball, Central America style. [The Middle Foam Finger] • Here comes Beckham! [Life On A Bench] • Your comprehensive weekend wrapup. [Rumors And Rants] • Another rough fantasy week for Mr. King. [Bored At Life] • Will Carroll discusses the gyroball. [Siberian Baseball] • Look who’s back in Knoxville. [Loser With Socks] • A week full of fantasy football carnage. [Kissing Suzy Kolber] [...]

  22. Wow, what a fucking stupid site! Get a damn life!

  23. Fuck yeah! Take it from the 24th guy to comment on this post, a full year after it was written! he’s an expert on getting a damn life.

  24. Randy, congratulations on your success at Kentucky. After the crap that went on in Knoxville, I would say you deserve it , but I know you and I know you have earned it. UT looses on this one too.

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